About

Debbie Bayer, M.A. is the mother of two grown daughters, a MFT Intern since 1999, a Spiritual Counselor and a Clinical Hypnotherapist. She confesses that she is not a writer and is in dire need of an editor.

After many years in corporate Sales and Marketing, Debbie worked for 9 years as a psychotherapist in facilities treating addiction, mood disorders and eating disorders. She over 25 years experience working with 12 step communities.

Debbie’s spiritual practice has developed over 30 years of study in both eastern and western religious traditions.  She is an ongoing student of Chassidus, and Mindful Awareness training with George Haas and Shinzen Young.

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46 thoughts on “About

  1. Thank you for the Hoffman post: I worked as a chemical dependency nurse and agree with everything you said. This is the best response I have read to Hoffman’s death and it explains why I continue to teach Integrative Brain Dance and recommend Omega 3’s and other brain supporting supplements for neuropsychological challenges. Dr. Daniel Amen’s work is brilliant in this regard.

    • Your piece about Hoffman really affected my life for the better. The shame I carry around as a sufferer of anxiety and depression has crippled me in life. I feel judgment from others. It felt good to read what you wrote. It was like being seen. Thank you.

    • The temptation is to try to explain it in scientific terms. We want to understand the mystery of a man’s demise, particularly a man who had achieved so much in his career and who, by the nature of his work, was known across the globe. One thinks if this could happen to him with his successes and his fame, his family and all the blessings of his existence, then surely no one is safe. We are sobered once again as we face the misunderstanding that one’s outer world is an indicator of happiness rather than their inner world, which is the only place where true success can be measured. If we have been in the habit of having and doing, we look at others who seem to be doing a lot and having a lot with envy. Wow, look at them go!

      Part of what hit so deeply about this loss was the emotional depth that Hoffman had plumbed to show us something about ourselves. He regularly visited emotional environments that few actors will ever choose to visit in their entire careers. We, therefore, felt so much “with him” that it is almost as if we have lost a friend and a teacher. It is mystifying and disorienting to lose a teacher to a dis-ease that people assume indicates moral weakness. On some level, many feel that he let them down. How could he do it? How could someone like him fall from the place we had appointed him to?

      I’ll give you one possible explanation of what happened. Maybe, like so many, he was simply enthralled to death by the feeling produced by heroin as it seduces the human nervous system into the illusion that this is somehow better than living. You think that’s weakness? Whoever you are, wherever you are, whatever your background, you could not possibly stand toe-to-toe against this craving if it was initiated within you. Though you may not have experienced such a craving, doesn’t make you better or stronger than another person who does. BUT if you have experienced this craving, you know what I am talking about. It’s bigger than you. It’s like having to fight a full-grown tiger with your hands tied behind your back.

      So why now? How could something like this happen after such a long period of abstinence? I believe the answer requires a deeper understanding and respect for the addiction frequency, an energetic attunement, if you will, that holds a person captive and vulnerable to relapse unless it is dealt with on a regular basis (read: everyday). Much the same way a diabetic needs insulin, people who have crossed the line into acute addiction seem to need a few things, even after long periods of abstinence. The 2 main ingredients are a spiritual path and a community to support it. This is the foundation. Then, with the foundation in place it is an absolute requirement that one spend one’s life expanding upon that foundation. This can be the most joyous of journeys for it is a daily pathway to your heart. Some, like me, find it in the 12-Steps and yoga, others find it in other spiritual paths or therapeutic processes. Addiction is a dis-ease of lack and we seem to need a spiritual experience to become whole again. It is also a dis-ease of isolation and so, we must come into community, common-unity, to draw upon necessary resources and to avoid being pulled down into morbidity. These are the first solutions to this problem. Whether you have struggled with addiction or care about someone who has, please bring yourself to accept this. In my experience, it holds as True.

      Phillip Seymour Hoffman died at 46 years old. I am 46 years old. Previously, he was 23 years sober. In June, barring the unseen, I will be 23 years sober. To say that his death hit home for me would be an understatement. Please do not let the message of his death be that the 12-Steps or other forms of recovery don’t work. He is in a small percentage of people who stay sober that long and then relapse. The great majority of people who make it to 5 years of recovery (85%) will not relapse (Source: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/craving/201402/how-often-do-long-term-sober-alcoholics-and-addicts-relapse?utm_content=buffer95e58&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer), Somehow, he got cut off from the light. Somehow, he drifted back into a behavior which kills people.

      Strangely, I will miss Phillip. It’s strange because I never met him. I lament the loss of yet another brother to addiction. Along with the teachings he left us in his movies, please hear his final teaching: Stay vigilant on this path of recovery. Work your program, whatever that means to you, to the best of your ability. Keep your connection to each other and when you find the road to your own heart, walk it everyday.

      R.I.P. Philip Seymour Hoffman.

      • Dear H. Paul, Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I’ve been looking all over for that 8 year study of recovering addicts/alcoholics. (I never wrote down the names of the authors, so I was looking for a needle in a haystack.) Good data on recovery rates is difficult to find and this study is fairly recent and has a large sample, given the length of the study. The more I look for current research into relapse and recovery rates, the more hopeful I become. The old, depressing data don’t seem to hold up anymore. What good news! Thank you also for sharing your experience here. You are an eloquent writer. If you have a blog, I’d read it in a heartbeat. Agree with every thought you have added to the conversation here. Thank you so much for posting. Blessings, Debbie

  2. I honestly don’t know where to begin praising you for your insightful, gentle, and yet, forceful post on the deep struggles associated with addiction. I myself, am in recovery and I can tell you , it has NOT been easy. Its been a tumultuous journey of confusion, self exploration, bravery, fear, and triumphs that I cling to with all the strength I have. You truly hit the nail on the head when you spoke of this conflicting duality inside the mind and the associated shame from self and others. That slice is a scar that simply won’t heal yet I carry on, stay clean, and slowly but surely, I gain more insight into my disease.

    Brava!~

  3. Hi Debbie- I’m working on a book about personal stories about mental illness to bring about awareness. I’d like to talk to you about it and if you are interested have your contribution. Please send me an email and let me know. Thank you!

  4. Would enjoy being your editor. It is very hard to get the brain and the fingers to act correctly all the time. (In your About it is mlssing a “has” over 25….) There are four typos in the article re PSH and missing more commas for readability. Keep up the good work, you are definitely becoming a good writer!

  5. Thank you for the fantastic blog on addiction. As the 52 year old daughter of both a drug addict and an alcoholic, who is also an Independent Living Specialist, it makes a lot of sense and assists me in not only my own healing but allows me to better assist my consumers who are chemically dependent.

    And don’t worry about the PJ’s. 🙂

  6. Debbie I need your contact information so I can forward the messages I am receiving for you. You have caused quite a stir haven’t you, congratulations!. My website is behavioral health hawaii you can email me debbie at ……

    • Debbie, I sent you the details through your beautiful website. If you’re ever in the LA area, please let me know. I’d love to meet you for a short visit (not a stalker:) and buy you a cup of coffee/tea/water. Aloha, Debbie

    • My son has a brain disorder and it has destroyed his relationships and prevented him from holding down a job. I have talked with him about getting medical treatment but he insists that there is nothing Wrong with him and that I am crazy. Any thoughts?

    • Dear Susan, Thank you for asking. As I am new at this, the answer is, ‘I have no idea.’ You could follow my blog and get email notification when I post again. I hope this helps. Blessings, Debbie

      • Appreciate your examination of underlying conditions in addiction…I am also a psychotherapist, and survived a marriage to someone with both addiction and then aTBI. May I add, that being thoroughly educated about ALL of this, never helped me or him in anyway to climb out of the hell of our home life, and we were in couple’s therapy for over 5 years… I am sad to say, sometimes there is no exit due to the nature of the brain malfunctions… sad.

  7. Hello Debbie, I read your post yesterday and shared it with everyone I know. I’ve been saying the very same thing for the past few months, ever since my son, Stephen Sandknop, jumped off a building in North Hollywood, ending his life last October. Understanding that he had a brain disorder that caused his desire to stop living has been the only idea to keep myself afloat. And it’s the only thing that makes sense.

    You use the word hijacked, which is perfect! I liken his situation as being overtaken by a terrorist who looks and sounds like him but had the real Stephen shackled and gagged in the basement. The terrorist got rid of all the real friends and family and proceeded to have his way with Stephens life. When it looked like he would be captured, the terrorist killed the hostage rather than let him go. Stephens dad was scheduled to pick him up the next morning and take him to treatment.

    I have a team I’m working with to tell this story and create a recovery center based on the ideas you’re so familiar with, a place where those like my son and their families can get help and make a plan to deal with the terrorist before he kills the hostage.

    You can contact me through my website, http://www.practicehappiness.com. I’m very heartened by your insights and I hope you will consider being a resourse for us as we move forward with our plans.

    Bless you for the work you do!
    Randy Sandknop

  8. Thanks so much for your incisive article. As someone who has never been addicted to anything, I have a tendency to believe that it’s all about will power, even though I know it’s much more complicated than that. By reducing it to the point where one must see that PSH didn’t have a choice, it makes his decision so much more comprehensible. I also like the way you were able to show that brain disfunction covers a multiple number of conditions that plague individuals.

  9. I am so thankful for your blog. While I am not dealing with drug addiction, I am dealing with smoking and wanting to quit. My son who is 7 is dealing with ADHD and his combination of traits (equalling high defiance and impulsivity) and, thusfar, an undiagnosed mood or mental disorder that renders him incapable of controlling his physical outbursts of anger and frustration. I have often tried to explain what I see with his behavior and ironically have described it in a similar manner, as you have described an addicts brain. I keep working at trying to get him the help he needs but I am often frustrated with the feeling that I have the only child in the world with his combination of problems. Medications only scratch the surface in helping him cope, behavior modification is extremely short term and does nothing to get a learned pattern; yet he is very bright, compassionate, and tenacious about everything. I feel after reading your blog that there is hope that science and I will somehow connect and he will be able to “learn” about himself and have a positive impact on those around him instead of the negative one he currently has to fight. Thank you.

  10. I enjoyed the content of this blog immensely, but yes, you desperately need an editor. The grammar and punctuation errors made it difficult to read. Feel free to contact me. I’ve been a technical writer and editor for more than 10 years.

  11. You asked for an editor, here I am. Please make the following edit on this page:

    “She >> HAS << over 25 years experience working with 12 step communities."

    You're welcome. 😛

    Professional editor status aside, really, I'm here for the Hoffman article like the rest of the planet. And I had to know WHO was behind this thoughtful post. Agree with you on each point.

    Keep it up! This kind of sane, informed voice is needed.

    • Debbie I liked your blog and am involved in similar work. I am curious what you have in mind when you say people must see a doctor. I am not convinced that doctors have much knowledge about neuroscience. I am finding that support in interrupting the conditioned response is beneficial so that different neural pathways are engaged.
      Thanks!
      Heather

  12. Thanks Debbie, very good article. I am sober in AA and battled narcotics for a long time. Had a sensible life in most areas except when it came to opiates and booze. My chooser was/is broken. Despite many horrific beatings as the result of drug and alcohol abuse, wanting to stop, I could not. AA has given me a way out, and it certainly isn’t a struggle. What’s a struggle is waking up in the morning and know you are going to do again what you know is killing you.

  13. Good Morning Debbie; I am so happy to have read your piece on Phillip S Hoffman. I am in the film industry.. I am in production for a film right now that deals with this issue. PTSD- suicide, trans-generational trauma, impulsiveness, etc. I would love to talk to you about making a contribution by way of an interview on the film. I have many experts in the field and would welcome your input. Please email me at GLightning@TribalAP.com

  14. Dear Debbie, Outstanding description of addiction, and the general attitudes towards addicts and others with a variety of mental illness. Now if we can only get those who do not suffer in this manner to read and believe in their heart everything you have said. Your level of understanding and empathy helped me to dig a bit deeper, and I have been there. Namaste, Janet

  15. Hi Debbie – that’s a wonderful post. As a recovering alcoholic I get strength seeing that some people are beginning to understand what a terrible disease alcoholism is. My therapist used a poignant example to point out to show how hard quitting is. He said it’s like asking a school kid who needs glasses to see the chalkboard to take off his glasses and read what’s been written on the board. When the child explains ” I can’t” tell him to just “try harder.” Such is the case when alcoholics try to stop drinking. It’s not a disease you can fight without the proper tools.

  16. I certainly was fascinated with this article…helps me understand more what humans go through, in their struggles. I have heard, and have not seen anything further on, the notion that; (I’m not sure how to even describe this)
    aboriginal people cannot handle alcohol because their system is……??
    Have you heard, read or seen this “notion”? I have always wanted to know why? what makes them drink?, when they are told, they cant handle alcohol, etc.

  17. Debbi–I just read your article on Philip Seymour Hoffman. I have been very interested as a family member is suffering from addiction. Though I am educated also, MEd in Education, I never read an explanation that outlined the brain’s non-functioning so clearly. Now I understand….After forwarding this to family members, I plan to copy this and put it in a location where I can reread often so that I can become more instrumental in helping my family. THANK-YOU for writing such an informative & compassionate article…..THANK-YOU.

  18. Hello Debbie,
    I thank you for your insightful, sensitive post on Philip Seymour Hoffman. As someone who also has worked in addictions, the thoughtless and hurtful articles ‘out there’ had me grieving not just for the loss of this most talented and sensitive individual, but for a sound and reasonable response. I am so frustrated by the misinformation and the idea that he was “weak, selfish, etc. As a recovering addict myself, it hurts everyone that this is the attitude that people in power feel the can pass this kind of judgement on someone, who was clearly suffering and in such pain.

  19. My ex-wife and I have a daughter with a mental disorder, but as far as a specific diagnosis, I’m not sure what to call it.
    At 23, she still acts much younger, yet has a 3 year-old son. She throws incredible fits, blames her troubles on everybody else, cannot keep jobs or friends, has a very unhealthy relationship with a younger male, has done meth (I think), she verbally attacks the people that care about her most, and is very lazy. Her brother is completely embarrassed by her and cannot stand to be around her.

    We have tried to get her help, but being divorced, I only have so much power (very little) and her mom has given up a lot and keeps a roof over her head, but somewhat enables… my daughter takes complete advantage and takes for granted what her mom has given her and given up.

    We really just don’t know where to turn and not a lot of options where we live that we are aware of and neither of us are financially well off. This blog gives me hope, but beyond that, I would truly appreciate some guidance. Thanks

    • In regards to your blog about HOFFMAN ….good to know that my alcoholism is my brains fault ….removes all the responsibility and guilt …thank-you ….luckily my brain was not in to heroin ….you write as if the brain is something separate from you ….this man had options …you can opt out of addiction …not like cancer ….you cannot stop having cancer ..there are always options …I cannot afford rehab ….He could ….sorry …50 bags/20 used needles ….more like suicide ….

      • Finally, someone with another side of this very sad issue. Millions of people do make a choice, from someone deep inside, turning to a “God as one understands” and in every minute of every day asks for guidance in keeping that “choice/commitment. Compassion for others who cannot make this choice is part of my daily practice. I never take my sobriety for granted, ever… 27 years. It’s a choice every single day; and, I am so very grateful. Believe me, the issues that caused my drinking continue to be acknowledged, worked on and silenced right back into gratitude to the spirit within. Love and blessings to all those who suffer and choose not to choose.

  20. I read your article about PSH and addiction with interest. I also read the caveat about 12 steppers having the “honesty” to work their programs.

    There is some wonderful science in your article and I see that you are a spiritual and counseling clinician. As a teenager aged 13 was exposed to extreme stress due to my parents very acrimonious divorce. I became anorexic. My mother thought I had cancer and that I would die. This went on for nearly 2 years. My periods stopped. She finally took me to my pediatrician who explained to her what he thought my problem was and said I should see a counselor. Well – that saved my life. He was kind, understanding, to the point, compassionate and I emerged. I realized that I was killing myself because of the stress and discovered something about myself. That I was never going to let anyone or anything kill me again no matter what.

    I also read where you say addicts have normal friendships. Well, it may start out that way, but after years of substance abuse these people have such altered personalities their only “friends” are their fellow users, if that. I live in NYC, have seen it up close and personal and although I understand your remarks about a different kind of brain, there I was was begging my loved one to please see what harm he was doing to himself – mind, spirit and body – and to our relationship. “I like it” was his refrain.

    The longer the habit, the worse it gets. The longer the habit, the more the shame, secrets and desperate acts. The longer the habit, the more miserable company they will find to commiserate.

    I am not a scientist or a therapist, just a person who has been people around me dropping like flies. And I have seen some recover, which to me is the hopeful story.

    I worked with PSH on a show for a few months in 2011. He was kind, hard working and excellent in his job. Even at that time I could see that he did not take such good care of his health. I did not realize it at the time, but I was 10 years older than him. I feel terrible for his children. And isn’t it interesting that he never married their mother yet was given a Catholic Funeral? I am Roman Catholic and understand that all those of our faith are given these rites. Why did he not see fit to consecrate his own marriage in this way? With 3 children?

    One thing I can say about my ex, who is also Roman Catholic, is that he never married me. Although he loved me I think he realized he was never going to change and could never live up to those vows.

    I really do not know what the answer to this is, but I do not consider a person who leaves a path of human wreckage behind them as “high functioning”. THAT is a myth and a judgement call that enables these people to continue to do what they do because they are a good provider, best actor ever or what have you. If their shame prevents them from reaching out, they should really put it aside.

    As I said, although I was quite young when it happened, I learned some very important things about myself during my anorexic phase. I really believe I grew exponentially as a person and never let shame or secrets keep me from being myself or let it destroy my life. I have been described by some as an unusual person. I am not sure what that means, and it doesn’t matter to me because I treat myself and my fellow man with respect and dignity and I expect the same in kind. I know who I am.

    I certainly hope those who suffer from these compulsions do find a path to cure. As you said, it happens so frequently that the common mantra seems to have become “just another dead junkie”. Incredibly sad, and is this really necessary? I have seen the worst kind turn their lives completely around. Maybe their brains were not so “hard wired”. I do not know. I have also seen highly intelligent, likable people who hid their secret, helped their “friends” OD, died and left their “straight” friends confused and angry.

    Although I have been through so much heartache from addicts of every stripe and have pretty much taken a vow to avoid them in the future, please email me with your professional contact. At least I might be able to offer some practical advice should they ask, as what I have tried seems never to have had any good effect at all.

    Thank you very much.
    Lynn Ann

  21. Debbie, I love the PSH article and would love to see this cited and shared.

    I am living within this “greater picture” through my father who is suffering major depression, dementia in a nursing home. He was found last September after he had been missing since 2009. And his is a story of epic failure of the medical system and psychiatric care. He is bedridden and heavily medicated. The caregivers yell at him to motivate him and he shuts them out. Since he can outsmart his psych evaluation, he is deemed “capable of making his own decisions of free will”. And this makes it impossible to get him a guardianship. Because he is unable to retain simple information for 20 minutes, he does not understand a POA document, nor will he sign what he does not understand.

    Your blog hits the nail on the head. My dad has suffered meds and alcohol addiction as well as great difficulty with sleep. And I see him being treated like a dog and don’t have any legal power to do anything for him. Senior services won’t help, the ombudsman is doing the best she can and is also frustrated.

    How do you win the no free will argument when doctors can’t properly test someone currently on heavy medication and has addiction history?

  22. Deb –

    Thank you for your post, and much respect to you and your work. Your understanding of alcohol, prescription drug addiction, depression, PTSD and all the other conditions which you so eloquently and thoroughly explain is a moving and powerful argument for universal health care for all. However, in all of the articles, comments and posts I’ve read since PSH passed, one fact seems to be continually overlooked: neither opium poppy or coca farms are indigenous to the United States.

    My issue is that there is always a point and a place where those two specific white powders get introduced, and that place is not legit. Whoever is bringing/supplying those substances knows damn well they are illegal, and you cannot convince me that the suppliers and users are unaware of the pain and suffering that occurs at every link along the supply chain. To pretend to not know the how those white powders got into the country, to the club, the backstage, the party, etc. requires an impressive amount of blindness or willful ignorance. I’m very interested to know why 40 years after Neil Young’s “Needle and the Damage Done”, that particular industry seems so ignorant of these facts.

    Somebody brought the substance to PSH and everyone else. Who is that somebody? It is one thing to be a naive teenager, but grown-ass men and women everywhere need to stop looking the other way and pretending it is some sort or Libertarian privilege to actively use either of those two white powders: if they are in your possession, you are already a criminal. Why do criminals have access to celebrities? Why do celebrities ignore the criminals in their midsts? Why is it funny to joke about coke and heroin on late-nite TV? What is so f’ing cool about it?

    I have a real issue with limousine liberals who are too cool to shop at Walmart, who are incensed about the child-labor that makes their cell-phones and athletic shoes, who support Fair Trade and mosquito netting for Africa, yet still turn a blind eye to those powders at the after-party. Bullets in the back of people’s skulls is how they get here, as well as all the other misery from toothless farmers without electricity or indoor plumbing, to tribal warlords funding terrorism, to the mass incarceration of people of color. Anyone reading these words who pretends not to know these things at this late date in our evolution is being willfully, deliberately ignorant.

    There is always a first time, and that is the point where there IS free will. We have the free will to speak up, call out and ostracize anyone we see using or offering those powders. It’s long past time.

    • Wow, name-call much? I almost thought you were going to blame Democrats (and Obama) for smuggling drugs into the country illegally.

      Is there some kind of scientific study out there that says Republicans don’t suffer from mental illness or addiction or suffer less? Or should I generalize that Republicans don’t believe in science?

      • pirates&wenches,

        How you read a Democrat/Republican dispute in what I wrote is baffling to me. I was either very unclear in my argument, or you have greatly misunderstood my point. I called no one any name – unless you are referring to my calling cocaine and heroin providers/users ‘criminals’ – which is not so much an epithet as it is a point of current law) and I don’t believe I blamed anyone for anything. ‘Limousine liberal’ is short-hand for those well-intentioned, left-leaning folks, for whom I have tremendous respect and correctly use their largess for good causes.

        I asked a series of questions, and asked why no one is wondering the same things. How can people show up anywhere with coke or heroin and not be called out for the destruction it causes, the way that Apple and Nike are called out for sweat shop labor? Why are coke and heroin jokes on late night TV funny? I specifically cited the entertainment industry because those are the very people ‘liberal’ enough to look the other way when it comes to recreational drug use.

        I am saying in essence, enough is enough, police your own ranks and call the coke and heroin pushers and users what they are. It’s not cool, what that money pays for, and neither is the destruction left in its wake, from South America and Afghanistan to the inner city to the overfull jails to glitterati after-parties on the Strip, to the weeping, fatherless family members. There is nothing “cool” about dabbling, taking, using, supplying, supporting, or especially IGNORING what those two powders perpetuate anymore, for many decades now, and if anyone should know that, it is people in that industry. That goes for Democrats, Republicans, Libertarians, Greens, Socialists, Anarchists, TV evangelists, late-night talk show hosts, Canadian mayors, sports-stars, actors, musicians…EVERYONE. If you supply, ingest or IGNORE those white powders, you are doing so with full-knowledge of all of the aforementioned, deliberately. If ‘willfully ignorant’ is the ‘name-calling’ you objected to, I assure you I was being kind.

  23. Excellent article enlightening the addiction syndrome..blessings. The hardest part of this horrible condition is for the love ones..they just can not believe that the on switch never turns off to bring balance..like they experience..so hard to grasp. But true.
    ..

  24. I, too, am a psychotherapist and have worked with addictive behaviors of all sorts. I think this is a very very sad way to look at addiction. It often doesn’t feel like a choice, and in the beginning, perhaps it really isn’t. But the point of treatment is to become more and more aware so that we can begin to make choices that will better ourselves. If we have absolutely NO control, what is the point of going on? If we have no choices, then why fight?
    Because we do have some control. We do have choices to make. It isn’t easy, and lord knows some days are more difficult than others. But if when we are presented with drugs, alcohol, bingeing urges, etc… and we truthfully think of whether or not it is in our best interest (well, i’ll feel better for a while, that’s true – but how will I feel in the morning? What will my life be like in a year? In two years? WIll I be here in two years if I go down this path?)… we can start making choices – we can begin empowering ourselves.
    I’m not saying it is anyone’s fault they have an addiction – not at all. And I think, for example P.S. Hoffman – it was so strong, and he fought for so long. BUT, that being said… there were a series of choices he made… and those choices kept him in recovery for a very very long time.
    Check out smart recovery. Look at their tool kit. Start to think for yourself. Make choices. Empower yourself.
    You have it in you.
    ~Z

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